If you have lung cancer you do not want to contact COVID-19. Our immune systems are compromised and if we are older than that is a double whammy. Please heed all precautions to protect yourselves. This is from MGH, Massachusetts Hospital where I receive treatments. COVID 19 (Coronavirus) Patient Information Bulletin Massachusetts General Hospital Cancer […]
Author Archives: Merry
Hope and Fear are a driving force of lung cancer I have been thinking more and more about surviving cancer and the hope and fear that drive me. I have lived this every day and every night for the past twelve years. The third of October was my 22nd anniversary with lung cancer (1997). […]
2017 Climbing out of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is terrifying. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a debilitating disease that happens after a traumatic, terrifying event(s) over which you had no control. When I was told that I had a fourth lung cancer late in 2017 my whole being seemed to collapse. There’s nothing […]
I’ve been thinking about hope today. It’s a feeling of expectation and desire for a something to happen. It’s a wish for the future, a dream, a design to try, a cancer to survive. Hope is not finite, not a simple “I hope that I survive this or that I hope to get a new […]
PTSD I was diagnosed with PTSD a couple of years ago. PTSD is triggered by a life threatening event that is beyond your control, like cancer, assault, or combat. Some of us will have symptoms but not recognize them immediately. You might feel detached from people, or feel too stressed and angry to talk to […]
July-October, 2008 Chemo Brain can sneak up on you like a snake hiding in the weeds, saying boo! It can also slowly take over so that you don’t realize that you have it. The time frame is a bit fuzzy because it was years ago and memory isn’t always a fun visit. I remember being […]
Survival after Chemotherapy 2008 Survival after chemotherapy wasn’t going to be as easy as I thought. On my first post-chemo night my husband almost called 911. When I had my blood drawn earlier that day my blood counts were so low the nurses could only give me a one-quarter of a dose of my chemo. […]
2008 Chemotherapy Cocktail While sitting in my chair waiting for my first chemotherapy cocktail I wondered what others in the room were thinking. This was my first day of chemotherapy and I would have two chemicals, Cisplatin and Navelbine, alternating twice a week for the next four months. Did they feel like me, excited and […]
My chemical infusion journey begins Late June- Late October, 2007 An oncologist at MGH had told me that having infusion chemotherapy would be my choice. He said it was a fifty-fifty chance of it working. Some cancer cells might have already escaped, which could mean that it could spread throughout my body. When it comes […]
Hello everyone- I am sorry about the lapse in time for writing. I’ve been very busy. I joined a pulmonary Rehab center at my local Hospital and have been learning to breathe more efficiently, exercising and generally feeling much much better, more so than I have in a very very long time. My periods of […]
Chemotherapy – Second Cancer I knew that I would need Chemotherapy for my second cancer as soon as my surgeon told me that an unexpected third small tumor was found and that it had penetrated my pleura. I wasn’t sure what the pleura was but I knew what penetration meant. It is not a good […]
2008 Second Lobectomy Finding out that I had to have another lobectomy was earth shattering. Meanwhile Dr. Gaissert, my surgeon, had moved to Massachusetts General Hospital and I had just seen him for a ten-year celebration before my 2008 yearly CT scan. I decided to send him my last scan which was done at my […]
February 6, 2018 Cancer disease certainly is an up and down roller coaster. Lung Cancer CT Scans are usually taken after three months from a final radiation treatment. My results are : no evidence of cancer! Yay! Both Dave and I woke filled with anxiety. I was so anxious about the findings from the CT […]
CT scan 2/5/2018 Tomorrow I go up to Boston for my first follow-up CT scan for my last lung cancer that which was 3 months ago. It is an understatement to say that I’m scared . When my doctor found this last cancer he also saw a new ground glass lesion that had not been […]
CT Scans – Lung Cancer Test, will help my doctors determine what kind of treatments are best for me. And I was about to have a CT Scan, and I was anticipating the worst. I sat in the waiting room pumped full of valium, filled with a sense of certain doom. I had no prior […]
New Changes- 1997-2007 My life after cancer included many changes that surprised me. I knew that I had changed. I was braver and took more risks. But more than that, I was very surprised about how much of me had stayed the same. Firstly I could see how impatient I got when people chatted about […]
Conversations About Lung Cancer – The negative stigma associated with Lung Cancer. Conversations about lung cancer always brings up the topic of smoking. It’s the first question asked of me after someone learns of my cancer. And because there is still such a negative stigma associated with smoking and lung cancer it makes me feel […]
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1997 – The Weight of it all. Recovery after lung cancer surgery is quite remarkable. Unfortunately it takes so damn long. One day seems to meld into another, leaving me wondering if I would wake up the next day and feel worse or better. Perhaps I only remember what suits my remembering now. There are […]
Was I a lung cancer survivor? On the morning of October 3rd, I had a bronchoscopy, mediastinoscopy and a thoracotomy. It took me a month to find out the results of my staging. It was an 1b, no N or metastasis. My surgeon told me that there were no successful follow-up treatments for my stage […]
1/2018 I hope that all of you have a very healthy, happy and peaceful New Year. I thank you all for reading and following my blog. My deep appreciation to those of you for sharing it with someone and I hope that somewhere someone will benefit from it. Best wishes, Merry “Hope Smiles from the […]
1997- Smoking and Lung Cancer The urge to smoke when I got home from my lobectomy to remove my lower right lung drove me crazy. I was a slave to nicotine and everything that I did was a fight to be free of it.The urge to smoke ambushed me, like a lurking Gollum. If I […]
1997 Cancer Patient or survivor? When I woke up my first morning from the hospital my first question was, was I still a cancer patient? I felt strange. Who was I? When I was in the hospital I was someone who needed care. I was a cancer patient. But I was home and needed care, […]
Lobectomy in 1997. My lobectomy was my first thought when I woke up that morning. It was 4 AM. During the type of lung surgery that I would have, they had to spread my ribs. It was an uneasy thought, the removal of my lower right lobe that contained a fast growing cancer. Although it […]
NSCLC 1997 I had lung cancer, NSCLC (non-small cell lung cancer! And I needed to stop smoking! I would need a right lower lobectomy, for my lung cancer. It would mean the removal of that entire lobe of my right lung. I have struggled with this particular post. My mind doesn’t want to go back […]
Lung Cancer, September, 1997 When it all started. I started smoking when I was a young girl of fourteen. My mother smoked and my twin sister had already crossed that line. Before the 1960’s advertising the sale of cigarettes was still legal, but in the 40’s and 50’s advertising was different. It encouraged cigarette smoking […]
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October, 2017 I was all prepared for this week’s travel to Boston for my second Thoracic Radiation treatment. Because I was so tired last week I cancelled all my other appointments. I was imposing a sort of self-hibernation when I wasn’t on my way to or back from Boston. I wanted to save all my […]
October, 2017 I had a lot to think about after my first Photo Beam Therapy. First of all I felt nothing as the photons altered my cells. There wasn’t any burning; I didn’t feel faint or sick to my stomach, which relieved me no end. The machine was pretty quiet too. As long as I […]
October, 201 My first Photon Radiation Treatment followed an earlier appointment for me to get fitted for a mold for my treatments.This would keep me in the correct position for the beams to hit their target. I had to have a “dry run” too. This means a practice session to make sure that all mapping […]
September, 2017 I had Multi-focal Adenocarcinoma of the lungs. My long – time surgeon, Dr. Henning Gaissert saw the nodule in my last CT Scan. He had already had a conference with my oncologist Dr. Jennifer Temel, her assistant and my radiologist Dr. Henning Willers. We (Dave and I) talked about a plan for me […]
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September, 2017 My Non Small Cell Lung cancer It’s Back again Some of you know by now that my non-small cell lung cancer (NSCLC) is back again. This is draining way too much of me and Dave, both emotionally and physically. I was not afraid of the treatments that need to be done or the […]
